9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
