giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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