Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My vagina just clenched in fear
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
