my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
