Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize