go do what you do best...puke behind churches
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
