Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
