Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
