Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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