i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize