Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
