Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
