I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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