Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
