I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
