I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize