I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
