So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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