i just google imaged poop.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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