WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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