I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think i got beer on your cat.
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