Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
