i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
