WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
