there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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