who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
