If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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