i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have aggressive nipples.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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