Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
