he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
