so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
