So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
