Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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