Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
