The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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