its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
