I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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