i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
