Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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