she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
