I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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