honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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