video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
