People in love make me want to vomit
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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