apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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