Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
