If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
