this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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