You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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