Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
