i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
