no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
