It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
