all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
