All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
