What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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