I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
