awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
