just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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