you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
