pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
