Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
