I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
