Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
