Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
