so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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