you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
